The family fallout from identity politics, religion and massive manipulation — If you have one or several, you’re not alone. We can dress them up and call them ‘estrangements’ but it doesn’t change the pain that comes with a family member’s refusal to communicate, to block or belittle or even to harass us. These rifts can seem surreal when the source…

Art’s Real Worth as a Meta Collectivist Perspective — I have always loved color. …

Shawshank Redemption beckons us; the Big Book gives us a path “And if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further.” That one line Andy writes to Red at the end of Shawshank has a lot of resonance for me, right now, as a white person. …

Seek the questions. There is no right answer. — James Thurber once said, “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” I believe in this 14-word philosophy as much as I believe in the Golden Rule, gravity, and, as Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.” Yet I keep looking…

Shaming and blaming are draining. They only gain us wider divides. — Pretend we could put politics aside. (I know, just stay with me here.) Is it possible that Americans agree on anything? I think so. Even in a country that agrees we are living in an era of extreme political polarization, so extreme that the political has become personal. So extreme…

First, relinquish your role as Manager of the Universe — David called to say he and his wife were back from visiting our daughter and her family over the MLK weekend. Technically, David is my ex-husband; more accurately, he is my friend. There was once a time when our true friendship, post divorce, didn’t exist. No animosity, just what I’d…

an open letter from grandmother to granddaughter — Hello there, self of 1975: 1. You are lucky to be here. Sure, you’ve been through some sad stuff already. Money’s scarce. Your parents have a lot of flaws, but they love you. Not always the way you want them to. They’ll never be exactly who you want them to…

Why multiple perspectives, identities, and stories are worth fighting for — As I tuned into a podcast conversation between Elif Shafak and Chris Anderson, founder of TED, I was admittedly distracted. Until I tuned in. After some years of studying, teaching, and working on ways to live with and learn from conflict (“handling” or “managing” conflict isn’t helpful because conflict is…

We access more light when we don’t deny darkness — Forget causality. Forget deserved. Forget sin and karma. I mean, if we really want to pick any of those back up — we can do that. But for now, let’s just imagine not asking ourselves why bad things happen to people. Especially the good ones we love. …